Psychology of a Starburst

Some people may disagree with my constant surveying of young people to prove the ensuing psychological theory in this blog. My years of research have come to 'fruition' in this blog. My findings support this finding: You can tell how somebody feels about you by asking them for a Starburst. The evidence I have gathered through surveying clearly shows Pink as the powerhouse of the traditional Starburst pack. Red has slimly outperformed Orange, and who really cares about Yellow?

The strategy:

Anytime you see somebody with a pack of Starburst ask for one. The information you gain from this request is invaluable. Here are my thoughts:

Friend, same gender:

Pink We've had good times, there are a lot more to be had, enjoy this candy as a promise that we will always be BFF.

Red Hey, no problem, take this one... Seriously we should hang out more often.

Orange Hmmm, okay I guess you can have one, but don't make it a habit.

Yellow I'm wondering if you will get this hint, since all the other hints that I don't like you seem to have flown over your thick skull.

Friend, opposite gender:

Pink I know you have said on several occasions that I'm like a brother/sister to you, but I really think we should take things to the next level.

Red Remember that time we TP'd Mrs. Skinner's house, man! BFF forever!

Orange Ya, sure we are good friends, and we'll totally hang out Saturday (if everything else falls through)

Yellow You are so clingy! Asking for this Starburst may be the last straw of this shipwreck we call a friendship, and quit hitting on my friends.

Stranger, same gender:

Pink Can you advance my career?

Red You are way cooler than me, teach me your ways.

Orange Wow this is awkward, do I know you?

Yellow Here take this, now go away, and please don't follow me.

Stranger, opposite gender:

Pink Will you be my friend? I mean, not that I need friends, but I feel like we may have some common interests... Where are you going now? Can I come? Hey I have that same shirt, HAHAHAHAHA... Gosh we're so compatible.

Red How you doin'?

Orange You look nice enough, it wouldn't necessarily bother me if I saw you again.

Yellow Sure! *Throws the Starburst as far as possible and runs in the opposite direction.*

Conclusion: You can learn a lot about what someone thinks of you by asking them for a Starburst. Why are my teeth yellow?